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Quriky KH

Fic - Hiccupping Flash of Konoha

Posted on 2008.04.09 at 23:47
Current Mood: sillysilly
Tags: ,
Title: The Hiccupping Flash of Konoha
Fandom: Naruto
Challenges: hiccups
Warnings: Crack fic, a bit AU and Spoilers. Also unbeta'd, which could be VERY scary,
considering how long its been since I wrote anything... Beware!

Authors Note: Spoilers for Naruto manga and anime, including minor
spoilers for Kakashi's past, major spoilers regarding the Yondaime
(Fourth Hokage). Also takes place pre-Kakashi Gaiden, and stars him and his
students. I did take some liberties with the timeline on this since
the manga isn't specific on when things fall into place.
Disclaimers: I own nothing and am making no money from this. Just a
fan having some fun. :D

Authors Note #2: It's funny. Word says Hiccupping is spelled with two
p's but Yahoo Groups, where I originally wrote this for says one. Going to go with Word but I'm confused...


Konoha was considered one of the 5 great shinobi villages in the world
and was renown for its talent and skill. The village has produced
several elite that made their mark on shinobi history, but one of its'
elite ninja in particular had even established a name for himself to
the point that even the other ninja villages feared him. If their
soldiers came across him, they were given orders to retreat
immediately. He was the stuff of legends, considered a rare genius,
and his skills rivaled their leader, the Third Hokage, himself.

Yes, the Yellow Flash of Konoha was a formidable opponent when on a
mission. He just wished he could get started on the mission at hand.

"I know Sensei! I'll scare you! That'll work!"

"Obito, you don't announce that you're going to try to scare somebody."

"As if Obito could scare anyone, much less Sensei."

"I heard that, Kakashi!"

"Now kids, fighting isn't go..."Minato stopped abruptly as he jerked
with another loud hiccup and scowled. Fate must hate him today. He
currently lacked the stealth that was necessary for the mission with
his noisy condition but he also had deal with the preteens that were
his students. He loved the kids and most days he didn't mind their
quirks and arguments at all but other days... He sighed and tried
again. "Fighting isn't going to sol..." another hiccup interrupted him
again and the blond made a noise of frustration. "Look, just stop it."

Rin, the female of the squad, couldn't help but giggle. Minato gave
her a mock glare, which she completely ignored. "Have you tried
drinking something, Sensei?"

The blond man sat down on a large rock that graced their training
area. "Yeah, I was doing this when..." Hiccup. "when I went to pick up
the mission and the Third made me... " Hiccup. "Gah. He made me try
that. You see how well it worked." Hiccup. "Ow!"

The three preteens gathered together, leaving the blond Jounin sitting
on his rock in annoyed frustration.

"Well, we have to do something." Obito started. "Sensei isn't exactly
the picture of ninja stealth right now. He'd totally give us away."
Another hiccup followed by a muttered curse of annoyance sounded off
to illustrate the young Uchiha's point.

Kakashi sighed. "I hate to do it, but I have to agree with the crybaby
for once."

The black haired boy snapped his head around from where he was staring
at Minato due to the rare occasion of their Sensei being unruffled
enough to actually mutter profanity. "I am NOT a crybaby! I told you,
something had gotten in to my eye, that's all!"

"Funny how often that happens, even in spite of your goggles."

Color flooded Obito's cheeks, even as he started growling, and Rin
quickly stepped between the two boys before they came to blows. "I
think Obito's idea of trying to stop the hiccups by scaring Sensei
would work too. Any ideas on how to do it?"

Minato watched the children conspire from his rather comfortable
perch, but their voices lowered enough in their discussion that he
couldn't hear (well, except for the occasional roar from Obito as he
predictably fell for one of Kakashi's taunts). While he was glad that
they were working together well for once, he couldn't help be worried
since their devious plotting centered around him.

He wasn't a coward but suddenly canceling the mission and going home
was beginning to sound good.

The impromptu meeting suddenly disbanded as Rin chirped "Alright! It's
settled! I'll be right back!" The brown haired girl took off running
as her Sensei straightened abruptly in surprise.

"What's settled? Wha... Hey!" Another hiccup cut him off but instead of
chasing the girl, he looked pointedly at the remaining boys for

Obito gave him a timid smile but said nothing and Kakashi just
shrugged. "She needed to go get something."


"I can't tell you."


"'Cause we can't." This brilliant explanation was offered by Obito.

Another hiccup and Minato found himself praying silently for patience,
as he repeated. "But why?"

"Just trust us, Sensei. We'll take care of everything!" The Uchiha
lead his teacher back to his rock and the Yellow Flash tried to shake
off the unease he was feeling. Really, what could three kids come up
with. Then, of course, he remembered who the three kids were and the
dread settled in as random scenarios of chaos filled his brain.

He was actually doing a fine job of scaring himself with the scenarios
as they intensified with his trying to compensate for Obito's
creativity whenever a pretty woman with long flowing red hair stormed
across the training area. "You're still here... good. We need to talk."

"Kushina?" Minato stood up

The female ninja that was his girlfriend grabbed him by the arm and
led him a few feet away from the boys for some semblance of privacy.
She shifted her weight nervously before she crossed her arms over her
chest and seemed to brace herself for something. The mannerisms
weren't lost on Minato and he tried to steel himself for bad news.
"Look, I know you need to be leaving soon, so I'll get right to the
point, okay?" She took a deep breath and blurted. "I'm pregnant."

And Konoha's legendary Yellow Flash temporarily lost all brain
function. "... Excuse me?"

The stunned squawk of an eavesdropping Uchiha was completely ignoring
by both adults as well the dumbfounded blinking stare of the silver
haired boy next to him. "I said I'm pregnant, Minato." She raised a
brow at the blank stare he continued to give her. "Don't tell me you
don't know what the word means."

"No, I know what..." He stopped suddenly and narrowed his eyes at her.
"Oh, I get it. Very funny." The red haired woman blinked in surprise
and he looked at the boys, "For this, you guys are getting D-ranked
missions for at LEAST a month."

The woman narrowed her eyes. "I'm serious about this, Minato."

"Of course you are. Now undo the transformation technique, Rin."

"Um... Sensei..." Obito started hesitantly while Kakashi looked nervously
between his angry teacher and the even more angry woman and wondering
if Kushina was skilled enough to actually kill the man. She certainly
looked like she could right now.

"I am not Rin, you idiot!"

At that moment, the teenager in question came running in the clearing
with a huge bag. "I got it!" She paused as she noticed the newcomer
and the looks she was getting. "Um... what's wrong?"

"You..." Minato looked back at Kushina in growing horror as he realized
his mistake, "Wait, you're ... you're ... you're really..."

"I told you, the word is pregnant. Maybe I do need to get you a

The Yellow Flash of Konoha, one of the greatest, strongest, most
talented ninja in the world, then proceeded to fall backward in a very
ungraceful faint.

Rin dropped the bag with the firecrackers in it and ran to his side.
Both females were trying to fan him awake; Rin fussing over him, while
Kushina half scolded him for fainting.

Kakashi was looking at his formerly dignified leader lying unconscious
on the ground whenever Obito nudged him in the shoulder, a whimsical
smile on his face. "Well. Look at the bright side... his hiccups are
definitely gone now."

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